A magical story to uplift your heart

Artwork: “Ruled by the House of the Heart” by Shiloh Sophia

A few months ago, while I was leading an immersive retreat for some Sophia Leadership sisters, a mysterious, large box arrived on the doorstep. “What on earth could this be?” my husband and I wondered aloud.

After the retreat was finished, I opened the package. My heart nearly exploded when I saw what was inside. 

In that moment, I sobbed (rather loudly). And even now, as I am writing this message, the tears are flowing with gratitude and amazement…  

Inside the box was the original painting by artist Shiloh Sophia, entitled, “Ruled by the House of the Heart.” 

Here’s the magic: Although I had always wanted to own this masterpiece, I had not actually purchased this painting! 

It was a surprise gift that, like all of the art in my house, came into my possession in a magical way (keep reading for the full story).

Ruled by the House of the Heart 

For me, this painting represents Sophia Goddess in all her wild, beautiful, powerful, colorful mystery. 

Since 2015, Her image has been featured prominently in Sophia Leadership’s branding, on the altar for every mystery school retreat, and in my office on the wall behind my desk (as seen on Zoom calls). 

Last summer, I received an email from the artist, saying the painting had come back into her possession. She offered to sell it to me for a discounted price because she really wanted me to have it. 

I could feel that magic was afoot! 

But sadly, even with a discount, I wasn’t in a financial position to buy it, because I had literally just stepped into a “sacred pause” in order to receive a download about the next iteration of my work. 

Talk about being ruled by the house of the heart! I am literally listening through my heart for each next step… 

The magic unfolds

The magic continued when a beloved Sophia sister, who was helping me with my business, saw the email in my inbox. When she asked me about it, I told her I hadn’t responded to the offer yet, because I couldn’t buy the painting. 

“Oh Allison! You MUST have that painting!” she said. “I see that image in my mind every time I think of your work.”

When Sophia Goddess wants something to happen, there is always a way… 

And so it is.

This beautiful woman took it upon herself to invite other Sophia sisters to contribute what they could, to buy the painting for me. And this is how it magically ended up on my doorstep right in the middle of an incredibly profound Sophia Leadership ceremony.  

Inspiration to continue the journey

For many months, I prayed for a “new way” to take this work forward. 

The new way arrived very subtly. It began with profound messages that I received on pilgrimage with Mary Magdalene last summer, and continued through profound energetic shifts in my inner-Being that occurred while I was on bed-rest during a healing journey over the winter months.

Now that spring is here, these shifts are beginning to show up in 3D structure and form. I look forward to sharing more about the new way, in the coming weeks and months. 

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

For now, I receive this gift with deep gratitude, as a message from Sophia that I am on the right path, and as a message from all of you, encouraging me to keep going, even though I cannot see the path fully laid out in front of me.

Since I haven’t yet been able to acquire a list of the women who donated to buy the painting, I am not able to send personal thank-you letters as I would have wanted to do. (This is why I’m publishing this blog many months after the painting arrived… I wanted to send those thank-you notes before this message went out to everyone. But I can’t wait anymore! My heart is too full.)

If you are among those who contributed, please take a moment to feel me on my knees in gratitude, my heart open as wide as the universe, kissing your feet gently and whispering my gratitude. I thank you every time I sit at my desk, with this gorgeous image of Sophia watching over me.

With love and gratitude,

Allison

Burning Hot In My Heart

Holy shit I am still buzzing from delivering a temple transmission this morning in The Way of Sophia experience.

That was a LOT of voltage coming through!

This Lion's Gate, I have been doing some soul-alchemy to rekindle my inner fire... And wow. Just WOW.

Note to self: Keep praying for the good stuff!

*** TEMPLE DOORS ARE OPEN ***

With the burning hot in my heart, I'm opening the temple doors for Sophia's Wisdom: Devotion in Action, mystery school for feminine leadership.

This mystery school is for women change leaders who are committed to ushering in a new paradigm with love, peace, equality, wholeness and truth as central values that are actually LIVED and EMBODIED, not just talked about.

That means, we get to go first.

We get to do the messy work of embodying this paradigm ourselves. We get to dismantle the old ways that do not serve life – not by pointing at them from a superior perch in the clouds, or by blaming others for perpetuating the patriarchy, or by complaining about how these damned old ways are so hard to live with.

No.

We get to dismantle those old ways IN HERE, before we can do anything about what's OUT THERE.

We came here to show the new way forward. Let's do this thing.

Love

Allison

Let Go. Let Go. Let Go.

Tonight, I am sitting in the stark contrast between the soft breath of the new world that is gently caressing my cheek... And the harsh, soul-sucking world that we are outgrowing.

In one day, this contrast was shown to me in high relief.

A confrontation came at me from deep within the old patriarchal paradigm and escalated into a real threat. The witch wound pulsed in my heart like Harry Potter's scar. I wobbled in the face of it for a few hours and felt my energy draining, just like Harry Potter in the face of the one who cannot be named.

It was like this for me nearly all day... Until I let go.

And suddenly, no more wobble. I was stable on my feet. Amazing energy coursed through me. I felt stronger. And clearer, like the clean fresh air after a rainstorm.

Into this clear space, love poured in. The contrast is simply STUNNING.

Message of the day: Let go. Let go. Let go.

“Another World is not only possible.
She is on her way.
On a quiet day,
I can hear her breathing.”

— Arundhati Roy

Seeing is Loving

“Seeing is Loving.”

— Barry Johnson

Mary Magdalene’s feast day is coming up this week. She is a close ally for me, and has been teaching me in times of conflict to “turn their hearts to the Good.”

Turn their hearts to the Good.

But how?

In a polarized world, the only way to truly “win” is to seek to understand (mind) and empathize with (heart) the other’s perspective/position.

The key is not to make yourself smaller or give up your own point of view. You actually have to expand to include both.

Expand… to include both.

Perspective-taking is a sign of truly mature leadership (according to the research not just my opinion). Operating from “both/and” is a sign of first-rate intelligence, and a radical act of Love.

Turning hearts to the Good begins with seeing and feeling the other. Not only what is on their mind but also what’s in their heart. Not with judgment but with love. Not with righteousness or superiority but with humility and shared humanity.

You can feel when this happens: both hearts soften.

Both hearts soften.

My mentor, Barry Johnson, is one of the most loving — and wickedly smart — people I’ve met on this planet.

I’m quite fond of his words:

“Seeing is Loving.”

Transformation of Eros

“Christianity is incorrigibly a tantric religion: It is about the transformation of Eros, not the repression of it.”

— Cynthia Bourgeault

After nearly seven years of spiritual “parallel play” with Todd Smiedendorf, I’m dipping my toe in to explore the Divine Feminine inside his tradition, Christianity... And really enjoying it!

In her online course about Mary Magdalene, Bourgeault talks about how Jesus and Mary Magdalene found enlightenment through their passionate love for each other... This transformation of Eros (personal love) into Agape (universal love) is the key to the whole wisdom tradition, according to Bourgeault.

In conscious intimate love, she says, the transformation of passion into enlightenment happens like this:

“Desire, rather than being specifically focused on one person — moves right through the person as a chalice, to embrace the whole of the cosmos.

That’s the heart of Christianity. We’ve spent two thousand years running, scared shitless from that heart.”

— Cynthia Bourgeault

Preparing for Temple

I am joyfully preparing the temple for retreat and ceremony this weekend with the Sophia Leadership Salon. I am SOOOOO deeply humbled and honored to do this work.

We will honor Saint Mary Magdalene as tomorrow is her feast day!

Mary Magdalene is not who you think she is...

She was a high priestess of Sophia, in training and practice.

She carried codes for womb mysteries and sacred sex magic.

With her Beloved twin flame Rabbi Yeshua, she achieved the highest levels of spiritual attunement. She was his first apostle.

After Yeshua's death, Mary Magdalene became a great teacher in her own right.

She is coming forward now as a loving Presence, calling to those who have ears to hear, offering to help humanity in this time of Great Turning. Because if we are going to make it through, we must remember and honor the Sacred Feminine.

I don't recommend looking for her in a church.

Feel for her in the land, in the rocks and trees and rivers.

Know her in the beating of your heart and the flow of your blood.

Enjoy her in the fullness of your turned-on body.

Find her in the hearts of those who know her well.

Whispers of the Stones

This stone is speaking to me today. Isn’t she gorgeous!!??

She was a gift from a woman several years ago who spent over a year working privately with me in the Soul Alchemy container, the deepest and most potent of my offerings.

I had to slow waaaaaaay down to receive this Beauty this morning. She reminded me that my frequency is fast and that I benefit so much when I slow down to earth-speed.

When I was in France and I was moving slower, without the distraction from electronics and work tasks, the stones spoke to me quite a bit. They shared ancient wisdom, ignited my Remembrance, and passed along transmissions through my womb.

They advised me to listen to them more.

Do you listen to the stones? What do they tell you?

Down and In...

I’ve heard entrepreneurs talk about the huge personal and spiritual growth that comes with committing to a business.

After two years, I really get it now.

Small business is as much of a crucible as marriage - without the awesome sex.

I’m in the crucible now. Goddess is pulling me into descent… a path I know well, and appreciate deeply.

Down and In.

Down and In.

Down and In.

Do Not Be Daunted...

“Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.”

— The Talmud

Mary Magdalene graces the Altar

Over the past four days, I hosted an invitation-only ceremony retreat for the Sophia Salon, an intimate group of some the highest-caliber women changemakers that I am privileged to know in my professional world.

It turned out to be a further step on my journey as a spiritual guide and teacher.

True to the mystery school tradition, I planned no content and instead allowed myself to speak as Spirit moved me in the moment, to facilitate really good conversations, and to work directly with the emergent energy in the room. I payed a lot of attention to the way the energy moved in the field and the guidance that I received from Spirit.

As was prophesied 10 years ago in my Human Design reading, I now teach from my direct gnostic experience on the spiritual path.

As we were celebrating the feast day of Mary Magdalene, one of the ways that I stepped up was to tell the entire story of my mystical relationship with Mary Magdalene and Rabbi Yeshua, and some big pieces of wisdom that I received directly from them. No holds barred. I shared intimate details that I have only ever shared with my husband and spiritual mentors.

Another way I stepped up was to invite the women into my morning devotional prayer practice. In last year's mystery school, I was too shy to do this. Instead, I gave the women free time in the morning to practice as they wished. Yesterday, as we finished our morning practice, I gazed around the room and my heart just about burst at the felt experience of the radiance on their faces, the tears glistening in their eyes and the joy in their hearts. The love and devotion in that room will give me spiritual fuel for a long, long time.

I am absolutely in LOVE with each of these women. I am in AWE of their transformations. They really went for it. For the sacrament prayer ceremony, JT showed up to hold the space with me. The women did incredibly deep and challenging work and came through to the other side having faced into gut-wrenching grief, shame, fear and doubt; bravely descended further down and in to the body; gathered up more of themselves; tapped into a deep well of inner peace; connected with the Great Web of Life; and expanded to be able to offer more Love to themselves and others.

I am so excited about the possibilities for their change-work, as they live into these incredible upgrades in their Beingness.

I share the quote above from the Talmud to remind myself and all of us... that this is it. We do not have to change the entire world. We only need to light up our little corner of it.

From our perch in the Sanctuary for Sacred Union’s little home temple on the top of Boulder Mountain, we sent prayers and blessings to all. I hope your heart caught the breeze and received some of that Goodness because it was SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD.

With love from Allison

Your Results are IN!

The patriarchy is all around us in our culture, just as present – and unseen – as the air that we breathe. 

And it doesn’t just live in our collective culture and systems. It lives in us. Every single one of us. 

For women, some of the most common consequences of an unbalanced (Masculine dominant) system lead to the experience of…

• Pushing, driving, striving, efforting… sometimes even forcing.

• Disconnected from the body while we spend all day on the computer.

• No time for soul-nourishment. 

• No time to just BE. 

• Lacking pleasure and play.

• Dulled radiance.

• Cut-off from intuition, doubting what we know to be true.

• Stuck and unable to use your voice.

• Frustrated about a lack of full self-expression. 

For many of the leaders I work with, this experience is “how it is” (seemingly without hope of ever changing) and for others it is a source of ongoing pain and struggle. Either way, our outdated ways of leading from the inner Masculine are coded into our internal operating systems. 

From within this operating system, all the “solutions” we come up with are life-draining, not life-giving. 

This is why I want to introduce you to The Sophia Leadership Assessment. 

This robust assessment will identify:

• Your well-roundedness as a leader in terms of Masculine and Feminine values, energies and styles 

• Where you allow your unconscious ways to rule the show – and the consequence of that 

• The one thing you can shift, to evolve your leadership toward more wholeness

After you take the assessment, you’ll get a unique opportunity for a 1:1 call with me to interpret your results, expand your range, and discover the key to becoming an integrated feminine leader. 

I’ve opened up a limited number of spots for this unique opportunity at a significantly reduced introductory cost – just $298 including the private session. Then the price will go up to $698. I am not sure if or when I will be able to offer this kind of discount again, so if you’ve been wanting to experience how Sophia Leadership can amplify your magic and support your evolution, let’s do it now. 

Experience the Sophia assessment, right here. 

Blessings,

Allison 

Choosing Magic Over Effort

Women in Ireland were put to work in slavery in houses that were called "Magdalene Launderies," because they were seen as being too pretty, too sexy, or because they had gotten pregnant out of wedlock. It was not a reference to Magdalene as saint and first apostle. It was intended to shame these women, call them whores, and force them to forget their magic and the power of their sacred sexuality.

This morning, a big piece of healing came up just as I was basking in the afterglow of lovemaking (my favorite Monday-Morning-Prayer-Time).

Because my heart was already blown wide-open (thank you Beloved JT), some juicy fruit popped out.

First, I snapped out of a spell that I've fallen into in a million times. It's a great game that I play with myself in which I go too far into effort and busy-ness, and then complain because I don't like it. And then remember that I get to choose.

I choose magic over effort. I choose to co-create with the Divine rather than doing it all myself. I choose to allow, receive, and be supported. I am a YES to being delightfully surprised by what the Divine cooks up for me because it's always better than what I'd planned for myself.

Once I saw it, I knew where to look for this pattern in my body: It lives in my nervous system because it got set up when I was an infant. Energetically (and physically), it manifests as a FORWARD posture... The shape the body takes when it's trying to make something happen.

I found it. Relaxed and softened it. Arched my back to counter-act the forward habit. And gave myself the image/imprint of a newborn baby that I held over the weekend. Her system is not wired like mine; she is so chill. So held. So relaxed.

So that is the familiar pattern. The deeper layer looks like this:

JT said, "It feels like this goes even further back than your own infancy. In your mother's line."

I felt back to my ancestors... and saw that it was passed through my grandfather to my mother, from all the women in their lineage.

They were from Ireland.

These women were caught up in cycles and cycles and cycles of patriarchal persecution and lies from the Roman Catholic Church.

And slavery.

Yes, slavery. Oh, you didn't know?

Irish women were not allowed to be magical, radiant, juicy and sexual like me. They were not allowed to be healers, oracles, priestesses like me. They were persecuted for that. Hidden away in slave quarters and forced to WORK.

Their value was not in their BEING but in their DOING.

I saw them bent over the potato fields, and the laundry baskets. Hunched over, forward. I saw that this is why my mother and I both have bent too far forward, causing all kinds of painful arthritis in our necks and shoulders.

I did a big piece of healing around this... Not just for myself, but for all these women ancestors – and for any of you who may be playing the same game that I play: Thinking you have to effort; forgetting that you are magic.

Knowing and Unknowing

When I first received the call from Sophia to create a mystery school in Her name, I balked.

"You've got the wrong woman!" I said.  "I don't know how to do that." 

In the 7 years since, I became the right woman, by accident. As I devoted my life to the Sacred Feminine and followed Her guidance, She helped me to heal the soul-wounds buried in my system, from thousands of years of patriarchy.

I have cleared so much, and learned so much. 

But more importantly, I have unlearned.  

After decades of study and practice at the highest levels of academia, consulting, philosophy and spirituality, I am resting in not-knowing.

I'm getting super cozy with the mystery. 

“The light of your feminine soul – liberated, devoted, and shining radiantly from your heart – will free humanity from the bonds of patriarchy and illuminate the way forward to a new earth.”

— Allison Conte

What does this have to do with you, with change-making, or with feminine leadership?

If you are a change-maker devoted to bringing in the new paradigm, the most effective instrument of change you have is not your theories, tools or methods.

It is yourself. YOU are the greatest instrument of change on the planet.

The light of your feminine soul – liberated, devoted, and shining radiantly from your heart – will free humanity from the bonds of patriarchy and illuminate the way forward, to the new earth.

If you feel a YES to this level of feminine leadership, I'm here to tell you that you don’t have to know how. The truth is that none of us know how.

Sure, I can teach you some things and I will be delighted to pass along my vast body of knowledge, about how to grow leaders and organizational cultures.

But the real the task ahead of us is to unhook from patriarchal norms and learn new ways of being, doing, leading and following.

And for this, you don't need a toolkit.

You simply need to be willing to open your heart, read the field, listen to Life, discern how She is dreaming, where She's going, what She is pointing to.

Sophia's Wisdom: Devotion in Action is a mystery school for feminine leadership. We begin in September. We have 9 more seats available.

You can learn more in a free, live training on July 14. Register here: https://mailchi.mp/sophia-leadership.com/efljuly2021

To your joy and freedom,

Allison

Don't Fall For It

Feminine leadership is quite the hot topic in business. All the rage.

But here's the thing. If you're following (or offering) a version of "It's easy - I've done it and I'll show you how..." That's a good sign that you may be hooked in to the old paradigm.

This morning, a friend offered to introduce me to another woman whose story read, "I've slain the dragons and crushed the ego and forged the path for you... Follow me!" Or something like that.

My jaw dropped. I had nothing to say other than, um, no thanks, that doesn't resonate for me.

“I hope you won’t fall for quick-fixes or teachers
who claim to have arrived. They’re not true.
And they might actually set us back a bit.”

— Allison Conte

I’ll tell you a story…

I once worked with a tremendously gifted business coach who claimed to have found the holy grail of feminine leadership. But in her actual practice of leadership, she operated on the dark side of many masculine values – and could not see this about herself.

She refused to share power. Claimed to have the final Truth with a capital T about everyone. Would not collaborate. Was not curious. Insisted on being right. Actually threatened me and screamed at me in public, when I disagreed with her – about MY experience.

Before you get all huffy about this, please know that I feel compassion for her because I feel compassion for myself – and for you.

Because there is only one of us here.

Facing into the Mystery

None of us are immune from being hooked into the old paradigm. It lives in our bones, in our DNA, in our ancestry. We all have remnants of the codes of patriarchy in our systems. It has been the air we breathe for 5,000 years.

I have been at this feminine leadership thing for 10 years, in a deep and devoted way. While I do know some things, and I embody the Feminine more than I did 10 years ago, I am still learning how to lead and do business in this new way.

We all are.

That's because it's not easy to birth an entirely new paradigm! Well, maybe it is easy for Goddess. But not for us.

We humans are participating in the divine unfolding, not orchestrating it. What is coming through the birth canal is a Mystery to us all.

So please. I hope you won't fall for quick-fixes or teachers who claim to have arrived. They're not true. And they might actually set us back a bit.

Feminine leadership is still unfolding

Truly integrated and embodied Feminine Leadership cannot be learned in a weekend, or a "5-tips" article. Perhaps it cannot be mastered even in a decade, or a lifetime.

A friend of mine, agreeing with me about this on Facebook, said it beautifully: “Divine Feminine leadership can’t have been already claimed because it is still being revealed.”

Rewriting ancient codes takes time, because we are embedded in a collective field. And the collective field remains deeply entrenched in the old paradigm, even as some of us are listening for the new paradigm, tuning in to its frequencies, practicing with the new ways, and doing our best to embody what we learn...

None of us are free until we're all free.

The best we can do is refrain from judging each other, and from lying to ourselves about where we actually are in the birthing process.

Pleasure First

Pleasure First

It’s Monday morning at 9am and I’m still in my robe, sipping hot tea and writing in my journal, after luxuriating in bed with my husband. 

I’m in no hurry to get to work and I feel zero guilt about that.

One thing I’ve discovered about myself over the past few years is that my system is not set up for work-before-play, or to rush through the day. 

If you are a woman with a feminine operating system, this may be true for you, too. 

Feminine energy is receptive and inward. Which means the feminine operating system works better if we receive first, before we give.

This is especially true for me if I am receiving p-l-e-a-s-u-r-e. 

It’s quite the opposite for men with a masculine operating system, like my husband. He is all about work-before-play. He loves getting up in the morning and killing it with chores and exercise before going to work and killing it with tasks. When he’s given it all and feels spent, he can relax and receive.

Masculine energy is designed to give / do / accomplish first, before receiving. A funny and irreverent way to understand this energetic is “fuck it or kill it,” as Ken Wilber likes to say. 

By the way, if you haven’t heard me say this before… When I talk about Masculine and Feminine, I am referring to energies and values that are accessible to all of us, regardless of gender. 

Which means that “fuck it or kill it” can be true for anyone. It certainly was true for me when I was younger and used a lot of Masculine energy to get through the day as I was raising kids and working in corporate. (FYI, this led me to burnout, so I have learned to be gentler with myself.)

Let’s get back to sex, where I was heading before that little detour… 

My hubby and I have been sorting out our morning routine for a long time now. We used to exercise together first thing in the morning because, well, you’re supposed to exercise first, right?

It was a miracle when I realized that I could just say no to jumping out of bed to do chores or push my body through a challenging workout. When I realized this, my husband started getting up without me. But that didn’t work for me, either. My system felt jolted when he bolted out of bed. 

I want to start my day slow, with pleasure first.

And so, for the past year, we’ve been setting our alarm 30 minutes early so we can snuggle or make love before he gets up to do chores. And I linger awhile longer, to be with myself. 

My days go so much better when I begin in receptive mode, enjoy my softness, keep my energy inward, and fill my cup before I go to work and give my energy outward. 

The point is to reserve my Masculine energy for deadlines and meetings because I seem to have a limited supply of it.

When I have a slow, pleasure-filled start to the day, I am noticeably more focused and productive at work. But that is not the point; the point is to take good care of my energy system, so it can take good care of me.

Sometimes, I do jump out of bed and get right to work because of a deadline or a client in India. Without fail, this is when I end the day feeling grumpy and depleted, and reaching for a glass of wine. 

Here is my ideal daily practice, in case you want to borrow a nugget: 

I take my time and go s-l-o-w in the morning. Snuggles and pleasure first (if not lovemaking, then self pleasure). Next, silent meditation, prayer, and energy work. After this, I may do some journaling, practice yoga, dance, or go for a walk… but nothing that requires pushing or efforting. I prefer to take a bath with sacred oils and candles, instead of a quick shower. After all of this is complete, without rushing, I get to the office around 10am. 

Pleasure first. It works for me. And maybe it will work for you.

If you’re not self-employed, and/or you’re still raising kids, I feel you. I love you. And I know you’ll have to modify this practice to fit your reality. But if you can get up even 30 minutes early to honor the feminine part of you, I think you might be pleasantly surprised at how worthwhile it is.

If you do try this, please let me know how it goes.

Shifting from Drive to Devotion

I let out an audible sigh.

“What’s going on, Allison?” asked my colleague, who was leading a train-the-trainer certification program in which I was a participant. 

“Maybe I need more drive,” I wondered aloud. And sighed again. 

We were exploring common assumptions about the ideal mix of personality traits that people associate with good leadership, such as: extroverted, assertive, competitive, driven. While this cluster of Masculine traits is what most people think of when they think of the stereotypical powerful leader, it does not describe the actual typology of most successful leaders. Good leadership comes in a variety of different packages. 

But this was the least of my concerns in the moment. 

It was the last trait -- drive -- that was getting under my skin. I scored low on drive on the personality assessment we had just taken. 

Maybe I need more drive. 

Recently, when I committed to make a bigger impact with Sophia Leadership, I told myself that I would need to kick into “drive mode.” After all, that’s what it takes to turn a passion project into a material business... right? 

That evening, I brought this idea to a business coach whom I was considering working with. “I might need support to boost my drive,” I told her. In the next moment, she dropped me like a hot potato – because she only works with business owners who have high drive. Sigh.

This third sigh of the day really got my attention.

Is drive the only motivator for committed action? If so, why does it feel yucky to me?  

Suddenly, a memory surfaced: Earlier in my career as a leadership consultant, I’d had enough drive to turn a request for executive coaching into a large organizational culture transformation project. I focused my energy for two years, trying to heal this sick organization (whose purpose was to heal the sick!). During this time, my drive turned into overdrive. I worked many late nights and weekends, while raising two boys as a single mom. 

By the end of that gig, I was sick, too! I spent another two years healing from adrenal fatigue.

When drive becomes overdrive

Is drive always a bad thing? Of course not. Drive is the fuel that most people use to get things done. It can be quite energizing – especially for people who have a more Masculine essence. 

However, when drive is overused and ego-infused, it becomes toxic – especially for people like me, who have a Feminine essence.

I realize now that I threw myself into that consulting gig not only because it was urgent and important (we were saving people’s lives!), but also because my ego wanted to a hyper-Masculine corporate culture and trying to prove that I was good at my job. This was extremely costly.

For many women, running on overdrive -- in other words, running too much Masculine energy -- is like running diesel fuel through a regular engine. We can do it for awhile, but it’s not sustainable. It’s draining instead of energizing. It’s not life-giving.

So after healing from adrenal fatigue, I shifted out of drive mode. I’ve brought other things to the table -- competence, intelligence, intuition, compassion, and a high value for excellence. With these golden nuggets, I’ve done great work without making myself sick. 

Yet, drive remains deeply embedded in our culture as the only way to be successful in business. So as I pondered how to give my life energy to my fledgling business, the question came up again: How will Sophia Leadership fulfill its mission if I don’t drive it? 

I took this inquiry into my meditation, praying for guidance from Sophia.

We are called to devotion

“More devotion,” Sophia answered, quite fiercely (the Sacred Feminine is not always soft!)

As I see it, devotion is more than just the Feminine counter-balance to drive. In polarity terms, “driving to make things happen” (Masculine) is often paired with "allowing things to emerge" or "embracing what is" (both Feminine). 

Devotion seems to be at another level entirely. 

Sophia was suggesting a profound shift in the way I was relating to my work, and the energy that I bring to it. She was showing me that Sophia Leadership is its own thing, its own entity. She was very clear that Sophia Leadership is not in service to my ego; I am in service to it. 

She showed me who’s really in charge.  

Let's  take a moment now to feel into the energies of drive and devotion:

Drive: Vigorous course toward a goal or objective.
Devotion: Love, worship, an act of prayer. 

Can you feel the difference?

Sophia was suggesting that I check my ego at the door and step into Her temple, with an air of reverence. She wanted me to open my heart, surrender to Her guidance, and release my attachment to the outcome. 

She was asking me to relate to my work as an act of of devotion, an act of prayer. 

An active prayer. 

I may not be able to live up to such a big ask, but I’m incredibly motivated to try. 

What I’m talking about here is more a shift in consciousness than a shift in behavior. In business, the behaviors that flow from devotion might look similar to behaviors that flow from drive: making decisions, tending tasks, tracking results. 

But the energy is entirely different.  

The energy of devotion arises in the heart center and is sourced in Love. It generates gratitude and joy. Devotion is life-giving.

On our little Sophia Leadership team, we like to imagine that with the completion of every task, we are laying a flower upon Sophia's altar. We are creating Beauty, and expanding Love. 

Imagine that. 

How would your life change if your work became an act of prayer… an active prayer... Devotion? 

Looking into the Eyes of Love

When my youngest son was a baby, I carried him around with me while tending to the millions of tasks that a busy working Mamma tends to. 

I also carried frustration, disappointment, and pain. I was trying to figure out how to get out of an abusive marriage, and worrying about the harm divorce might do to my precious little ones.  

My little boy frequently put his chubby hands on my face, gently turning turned my gaze away from whatever I was focused on... and toward his big brown eyes.

It was as if he was trying to say, "Stop looking over there. Come back to Presence. Look into the eyes of Love."

And it worked, every time. His simple gesture brought me back to the present and opened my heart to Love. 

It also reminded me of the generative nature of attention: In every moment, we have a choice about where to put our attention and what kind of energy we create in ourselves, and in the world around us. We can choose to focus on the closure (what's not working or life-affirming), or we can choose to focus on the opening (what gives Life).

And that makes all the difference.

Last week, I was gifted with another opportunity to practice. I noticed that my attention was fixated on a closure: My feelings of frustration and disappointment as yet another affiliation with a consulting firm fizzled out... and the familiar story that I'm not seen, valued, or supported; that there isn't enough nourishment for me here.

It's an old pattern, my cross to bear in this lifetime.

It's compelling. And bitter, poisonous. 

So my practice was this: Each time I found my attention drawn toward the poison, the closure, I gently turned my gaze toward the opening.

The opening is a much more life-affirming story that I know in my heart to be true:

This professional affiliation was meant to be a transitional relationship, not a long-term marriage. It was a gift, given at just the right time. It allowed me to follow my inner guidance, which had told me to put Sophia Leadership down for a nap, gather my energy inward, and focus on my health through two hip replacement surgeries. 

Now, as my body is healing, I feel a bright, vibrant Life energy stirring in me. I'm beginning to look outward again. And Sophia Leadership is waking from her slumber.

With regard to my professional affiliation, it's clearly time to close this door and open a new one that will be a better match for what is unfolding now.

What is unfolding now is quite extraordinary. Recently, I was invited to present the Sophia Leadership model at a prestigious institution that is renowned as one of the best in the field of leadership development. A colleague had referred me to this organization, which expressed interest in bringing me on to its faculty. They wanted to hear my thoughts about women's leadership, so the presentation was included as part of a broader hiring process. 

Wow! That is a big opening. 

And yet, as I was preparing my presentation, I noticed that my gaze was focused on the closure. Bitterness was spreading through my system. 

Then I felt a hand on my cheek. Guidance reminded me, "Stop looking over there. Come back to Presence. Look into the eyes of Love."

Ah, yes. Thank you. 

As I was driving to deliver the presentation, I focused intently on the opening and held my gaze there. 

I told myself: "This is an incredible honor. I get to be Sophia's messenger! I have been given the assignment to introduce Sophia to a group of people who have tremendous influence over senior leaders all over the world, leaders who need her Love. This is so much more important than whether or not I get the job."

I bowed in reverence and offered my deep gratitude for the opportunity. I laid my presentation at Sophia's feet.

I made a conscious effort to turn away from poison and open my heart to Love.

Bitterness gave way to Grace.

And that made all the difference.

Lighting the Torch of Truth

Have you ever over-ridden your intuition? Or lied to yourself that you don't know what's really going on? Or perhaps you knew, but then you doubted yourself?

Me too.

This week, I'm on a writing retreat in Crestone, Colorado, working on a chapter about this topic for the upcoming book, The New Feminine Evolutionary (Flower of Life Press). The book will be published this fall, with proceeds donated to the Pachammama Alliance.

Just this morning, I received the long-awaited video recording of a talk that I gave on this same subject, at a workshop in February. Take a peek here! 

I want to share this message with you now because I believe it's absolutely important. So important that I'm willing to share some of my most vulnerable personal history, and show up looking messy after a day of working and dancing.

Here's the truth, in this post-truth world: We need our heart-intelligence more than ever.

It will guide us home.

Now is the time to honor intuition, along with reason. The ability to integrate these two capacities will be a super-power for leaders in the coming years and decades.

And, since intuition is a Feminine capacity, women will lead the way. 

Burned out or stressed out? You may be relying on the wrong energy source.

Years ago, I would have laughed at the crazy notion that my life's purpose is about cultivating more of the Feminine principle in leadership and organizations. 

As a young woman, I had no sisters, very few women friends and lots of men friends. I wanted nothing to do with Feminism or women's issues. I was doing just fine on my own, thank you very much.

In my 20s and early 30s, I operated in a primarily Masculine mode, on hyperdrive. I was over-doing, over-giving, and "handling it." I didn't know how to slow down or relax... Forget about receiving support or melting into pleasure. 

I was out of shape, dull, and unhappy. I got a divorce, went to graduate school and changed careers. When my therapist invited me to join her Nature-based personal development program, I was thrilled because I was hungry to reconnect with myself. But my connection to the Feminine was still off-line: I was shocked when I arrived at the first retreat and discovered that it was a women's community. What? It made no sense to me.

Women: Are you over-doing, over-thinking, and pushing too hard? Have you lost touch with your passion, creativity and intuition? Has your radiance dulled? It may be because you're plugged into the wrong source of energy and power.

I spent the next 10 years taking better care of myself: I practiced yoga, slept on the earth, and dove into my spiritual practice. I had never felt so alive! People kept telling me that I glowed with the radiance of the Divine Feminine. I liked hearing that, but I had no idea what they were talking about. 

Then in my mid-40s, I came crashing down again. I'd been working so hard in my new career as a management consultant that my energy was depleted. Even though I loved the work, my efforts to push myself, prove myself, and make money had taken a toll. I fell ill with adrenal fatigue and suffered from a painful mis-alignment in my spine (read: misalignment in my life).  

Without adrenaline as a source of energy, I was forced to reduce my work load and slow down. I signed up for an advanced yoga program – again with a women's community! – but I mostly avoided class because I felt so crappy. And I still wasn't used to being in a group of women.

One day, I arrived at the studio in tears, hoping to meditate and then disappear before anyone saw me. My teacher grabbed me in the hallway, put her arm around me, and said, "Stay. You don't have to do the class. Just lie down under the tree by the window and we will practice for you." Then she kissed my neck and whispered, "You cannot heal this on your own. Let your sisters love you through it."

“The true source of our power is inexhaustible...
because it comes from the source of Life itself.
And that source is Feminine.
”

I cried with gratitude and relief. And I managed to let my sisters love me through it.

I discovered that the true source of my energy cannot be depleted, and is not actually mine. It flows through me – and you and all of us – from the divine. The true source of our power is inexhaustible because it comes from the source of Life itself.

And that source is Feminine. 

The journey to give up my hyper-Masculine ways and allow Feminine wisdom and power to flow through me has produced amazing results in my life, and I continue to learn more every day. I'd love to share these gifts with you. 

If you've "hit a wall" with too much Masculine, or feel a deep longing to reconnect with the Feminine in your life, you're not alone. I am here to love you through it. 

To your joy and freedom,

Allison